I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
