How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
