So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize