We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
