He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need Xanax blowdarts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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