It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michael Bay diarrhea
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
