Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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