i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
