I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm passing your future prison.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
