What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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