Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
