Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
