just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
