Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize