that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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