My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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