Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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