I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
