She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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