i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
