just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
