yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
