omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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