sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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