It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
