So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
