I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
