look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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