I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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