I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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