Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He did a backflip because drugs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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