she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
