I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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