how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
