he thought i was a dude.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
