Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
