they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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