you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
