ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
