woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
