Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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