There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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