so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
