I wish I could punch you in the face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
