it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
