my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
