She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
