I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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