You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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