my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
