Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize