Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
