Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I deserve this hangover.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
