I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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