non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
