That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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