He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
