i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
