It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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