Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize