your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
