when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did I show you my penis last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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