break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
