Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
