White coat. Heels.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
