I hate your face
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
