I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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