please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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