I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
