finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
