I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize