we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
