i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
be right there i have to get my cape
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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