we have officially lost it.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What a dumb baby whore.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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