just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she looked like the before picture.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
