I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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