i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
