is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
