the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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