At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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