I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
