She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
