My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
