I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
