im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we should paint friendship bongs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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