people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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