My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
