No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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