you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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