Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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