Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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