You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
