we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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