i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
