he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
