Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
