I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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