I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
